You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
