Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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