you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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