yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
