Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's like iHOP with fire
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
