That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
