Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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