Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
