As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
