I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
