hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
