Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
do herpes really smell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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