i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is Oprah even human
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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