Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
