we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
