i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
