I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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