Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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