yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
