Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
