shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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