New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
