on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
BRING THE BAGELS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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