the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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