Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
