Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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