made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Randomize
