Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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