found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Boobs speak an international language.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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