Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
