I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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