I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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