Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
