I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
