kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
