Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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