It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
