You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
