Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are a genius and a whore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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