update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
