hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
