i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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