If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize