2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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