i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
