I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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