And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
