i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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