im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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