Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
