were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
