my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish my penis had an off switch
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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