i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
