you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
